A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away....Well, more like in 1906...Upton Sinclair became famous for 'muckraking'...In a lonely east PA high school, oh say school year 1998-99, a few gentlemen dubbed themselves the 'schmuckrakers'...they were both editors of the school newspaper, including hidden jokes within the paper, interviewing the lowest of the low on the faculty totem pole, and pushing the perverbial envelope by challenging authority on what should and should not be printed...Silenced in the end, not by those who opposed our views but instead by time itself, as graduation day the schmucks continued their ways while no one was left to rake...
High school is long gone, but not long gone is the sense of "schmuckraking" that we had in those "glory days" that won't be remembered as glorious...
I have been live online now for 7 years total...the old Angelfire and Geocities websites, 21nickels.com, Horror-Report.com, and now Schmuckraker.com...and throughout I have evolved with the news I have written about and reported firsthand....
And this will be no different...same news, same font. Different name and setup...reporting about the inane, horrorific, humorous, ironic...sad and triumphant...It's just a website, of course. But something more, perhaps may be in the future....
7 years in the making...
and so it continues...Today, May 7, 2005...Schmuckraker.com is born....
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I'll save the theatrics and get right to the news....as it is...in real time, 21st century style... Maryland dermatologist Dr. Irving Wolfe confirming what we have always known: Vagina cream is bad for your face! *** Waiting for snopes: Is finger food real?  George Lucas has the world--and reporters and scoopers who've seen STARS WARS III --excited...the PG-13 film is earning high marks in the HOLLYWOOD REPORTER and in VARIETY, plus on STAR WARS fan sites ... spoilers few and far between, though the world knows the end: The dark side wins but a new hope bursts through before the final credits...Lines forming already for the film, some theaters already selling out of pre-show tickets..this one is going to rock the world. Jar Jar Binks gone. Bad acting stays. Special effects increase. Darth Vader born...a wild ride in May... For the STAR WARS enthusiasts out there that can't find a date for the film, perhaps printing out the babes of STAR WARS may help...Spielberg is praising EPISODE III...and now everyone's getting involved, as the movie lights up newsstands *** While news report after news report speaks of giant breakfast sandwiches, obese children..and now, some fame for a Pennsylvania restaurant and pride for this honest hard working Keystone stater: The home of the 15-pound burger...that's right, 15 pounds of pure ground meat bliss...I can only imagine a well-done burger may have to be pre-ordered by a week... And while Pennsylvania eats 15-pound burgers, they also face the fact that a tax one legislator called "one of the worst pieces of legislation we've ever passed" will stay--">probably for good... Odds and ends:  Enemies: Don't read this! The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff has issued a report to Congress saying that the past years of war have led the American military to be in a danger zone...if another world conflict were due to rise, there may be trouble for the United States to respond to the possible conflict...Gas prices high....and higher, and highest. Not coming down any time soon. President Bush met with Saudi officials to ease the pain...however the gas pains at the pumps continue, predictions of record setting prices coming still are being circulated highway to highway....**** The First lady says she is a desperate housewife! At the annual White House Correspondents dinner joked that as President Bush goes to bed at 9:00pm nightly, she and Vice President Cheney's wife Lynn become desperate housewives...joking also that she and Lynn sport male strip bars for kicks... *** However while the first lady became desperate, race was brought into the mix for the first time in history: The United States Secret Service requested information on the race of those attending the dinner...The crowd--usually rich and white to begin with--laughed the night away, though...drinking to oblivion and eating bad chicken, as one correspondent told NICKELS.....*** And while Washington drank, and drank, and drank, Constantine tried for one last shot at success as he headlined the 'celebrity' guestlist of this year's Correspondent's dinner...Richard Gere...Al Franken, a stellar lineup of stars in 2005... *** Jane Fonda even showed; no word on if any vets spat upon her..... *** |
 Dutch protesters use inflated condoms to protest George W. Bush in the Netherlands... ***  Apparently, not in his name  A face of fear? When the HORROR-REPORT died, so did a Pope..although the death of a website is not as monumental of a world leader, the death of both may mean the end of the world! Or so St. Malachy wrote--maybe...The election of Pope Bendict XVI (it's getting tough to try to get used to writing that) has brought about a sudden outburst of the doomdayers, as they have never been before: The end is coming many are fearing... A supposed prophecy in the 12th century have many fearing the end of the world...a prophecy according to St Malachy , an Irish archbishop recognized by members of the Church for his ability to read the future...Those who beleive that Malachy was able to foresee all Popes say this Pope, Benedict, is the second to last. And then judgement day will commence. Though I don't believe it, it made me re-watch Demi Moore classic film THE SEVENTH SIGN... ***  It can't be THAT bad!! In what sounds like a TV-movie gone bad, the runaway bride has returned, announcing to officials and her husband that is was all a show: She took a Greyhound, but not on the Hudson... Though the wedding has been postponed , it's not canceled. Next time she jogs perhaps a tracking device should be installed..... But perhaps it WAS that bad, she bought the bus ticket a week before the runaway bride flew...If he wasn't such a Christian man I'd believe much alcohol would be consumed in Georgia... but now what about the wedding gifts!? Toasters and cheese graters and irons oh my... ***  Must read interview with Billy Corgan in the Chicago TRIBUNE...  Hollywood blockbusters are coming...bust or must for Tom Cruise, who is being accused by some of staging a relationship with Katie Holmes...and while she may not want to wait for her life to be over, many say Cruise won't want to wait until the summer is over to promote his new film WAR OF THE WORLD, as Holmes readies for BATMAN ... No matter if the rumors are true or false, the is very excited a the prospect of Katie Cruise.... What else did you miss? the BOSS is back, as well as The AMITYVILLE HORROR, and STAR WARS lines are already getting long.... *** SCHMUCKRAKER will be updated as early an often as possible.... -BRYAN SMOLOCK SCHMUCKRAKER SATURDAY MAY 7 2005 12:38 AM EDT |
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